Thursday, April 3, 2014

Feeling like a "Boy Mom"

He's only two months and I already feel like a "boy mom". Now obviously I'm not talking about going to soccer and football practice kind of boy mom feeling, but its an indescribable feeling that this sweet boy gives me. He has melted my heart since the first time I laid eyes on him.

Now just to give a little insight about me, I NEVER thought I would have a boy. In fact I was TERRIFIED to have a boy. When I found out I was pregnant for the second time I cringed thinking of the possibility of "Boy" ha! I quickly pushed the thoughts out and refused to think that it was a possibility. Then came the day to find out what we were having. As soon as the baby popped up on the ultrasound screen Hannah shouted "I can see her dress" (we were all convinced it was a girl). Then came time for the reveal and the ultrasound tech happily stated "Its a BOY"! It took everything within me not to burst into tears at the sound of those words. "It's a boy... Its a BOY!!??!" The only thing I kept thinking was that I don't do boy.... I do girl. I am a girl, I have a am I ever going to embrace "boy". After that day I tried my best to see the best in what a boy had to offer and by the end of my pregnancy I was very excited to meet our boy.
Cut to the day he was born..... I was so nervous about my C-section and I was also nervous that he would come out and I wasn't going to feel any connection with him. When Hannah was born I had post-partum depression and felt no connection with her in the beginning. It was a hard road that I didn't want to go down again. I prayed daily (sometimes hourly) that God would give me that connection that I so longed for and everyone always talked about. The second they gave him to me I felt the biggest flood of emotions. I was IN LOVE.... and with a little tiny baby BOY!
I can honestly say that God always knows what he's doing! He knows what I need even when I think that I know better. I'm so glad that he gave me such a love and bond with sweet Scotty. I cant wait to watch him grow into the little boy and man that God has made him to be. and I thank God every day that he chose me to be his momma!

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