Thursday, April 3, 2014

Feeling like a "Boy Mom"

He's only two months and I already feel like a "boy mom". Now obviously I'm not talking about going to soccer and football practice kind of boy mom feeling, but its an indescribable feeling that this sweet boy gives me. He has melted my heart since the first time I laid eyes on him.

Now just to give a little insight about me, I NEVER thought I would have a boy. In fact I was TERRIFIED to have a boy. When I found out I was pregnant for the second time I cringed thinking of the possibility of "Boy" ha! I quickly pushed the thoughts out and refused to think that it was a possibility. Then came the day to find out what we were having. As soon as the baby popped up on the ultrasound screen Hannah shouted "I can see her dress" (we were all convinced it was a girl). Then came time for the reveal and the ultrasound tech happily stated "Its a BOY"! It took everything within me not to burst into tears at the sound of those words. "It's a boy... Its a BOY!!??!" The only thing I kept thinking was that I don't do boy.... I do girl. I am a girl, I have a am I ever going to embrace "boy". After that day I tried my best to see the best in what a boy had to offer and by the end of my pregnancy I was very excited to meet our boy.
Cut to the day he was born..... I was so nervous about my C-section and I was also nervous that he would come out and I wasn't going to feel any connection with him. When Hannah was born I had post-partum depression and felt no connection with her in the beginning. It was a hard road that I didn't want to go down again. I prayed daily (sometimes hourly) that God would give me that connection that I so longed for and everyone always talked about. The second they gave him to me I felt the biggest flood of emotions. I was IN LOVE.... and with a little tiny baby BOY!
I can honestly say that God always knows what he's doing! He knows what I need even when I think that I know better. I'm so glad that he gave me such a love and bond with sweet Scotty. I cant wait to watch him grow into the little boy and man that God has made him to be. and I thank God every day that he chose me to be his momma!

Our first Home

Change is hard. No matter what kind of change it is. Its ALWAYS been hard for me to handle. These past few months have had a lot of change in them and what makes it scarier is that the NEXT few months are going to be an even bigger change. One of the things that's happening in our life right now is that we have officially sold our house. Our FIRST HOME. The home we bought when we were way too young to know what we were doing (just 22). I remember walking into this house for the first time and thinking it was a mansion. I thought "How can this be MY house? This is a grown ups house" ha! I specifically remember looking down at the floor praying that one day we would have a baby to crawl around on it. I had no idea what this simple foundation, walls and roof would hold for us.
As I sit here now with all decorations off the walls and boxes all around me I am reminded of Gods faithfulness. He was faithful to provide this home for us and faithful to give us 6 years of happiness and abundance in it. I am so excited for our next house but a part of me will always hold a special place for this home in my heart. It makes me a bit sad to think I will no longer come home to 341 Hummingbird Drive. When we moved in we had 2 empty bedrooms and now it seems as if we are busting at the seams with all of our "stuff". I remember so many nights before we had Hannah that I would go into (what her bedroom is now) and ask, beg and plead with God to give me a baby. I would sit in an empty room and pour my heart out night after night praying that room would one day be filled..... and he was faithful, He always is, and He filled it! I brought my first baby home to this house. I've rocked her, fed her, read to her and played with her within these walls. It makes me a little sad that Scotty will never know this house.
With this being our last Christmas in this house and the last Christmas before Scotty comes I really wanted to make it special (as special as we could through trying to move) and soak every. single. moment in. We've made cookies, ornaments galore, crafts, read countless Christmas stories and have had Christmas music playing non-stop. Next years scenery will be completely different.  We will be in a new house with an extra new person. I'm super excited about this new future ahead but cant help but get a bit sad about the past that we are leaving behind. I don't know exactly what the future holds but I know the ONE who holds my future. And HE never ceases to amaze me!